What To Say When You Pass Someone on Ride or Run

 

maybe reconsider that “YOU CAN DO IT!” you’re about to yell

Last month during Rooted Vermont, I found myself in a deep, dark place. Twenty five miles into the hilliest ride of my life and I was questioning every life decision that had led me here.

I knew I was physically capable of doing the ride - 48 miles at the peak of my summer gravel season isn’t a huge task. One pedal stroke in front of the other, one mile at a time, and when the hills get too steep, I’m not too proud to get off and walk.

And just as I was walking up yet another relentless 10% grade hill, it happened. Riding past me, a woman shouted “Good job, at least you’re not on the couch.” 

Marley Blonsky rides a blue and pink road bike with a big smile. She is wearing a blue kit and bright yellow helmet.

What.The.Hell?!?

I’ve had all sorts of things yelled at me while riding - cat calls, cow mooing noises, and more “You can do it” than I know how to count. But this one hit different. Immediately, tears welled up behind my eyes and flowed freely. I struggled to maintain my composure and seriously thought about throwing my bike down and having a pity party, right there on the side of the gravel road.

But I didn’t. I kept going. I finished that race, coming in third from last, but dang it, I finished it. And it got me to thinking… maybe she had good intentions? Maybe she did want to be encouraging and just didn’t know what to say? Maybe she had no idea the impact of her words on me. 

I posted about this on my Instagram and it sparked an interesting conversation. Lots of folks out riding do want to be encouraging to others but aren’t quite sure what to say. The issue came up again during my conversation with the War On Cars podcast. While the hosts were incredibly sympathetic, they brought up a great question - What should people say to riders (or runners) they pass? 

So, without further ado, here are my suggestions for things you can say to someone you pass during a ride (or run) that will likely not be harmful.

The most important thing you can do is to be intentional with your words.

I like to ask myself:

  • Why do I feel the need to say something?

  • Would I say this same thing to a different person? (A smaller bodied/younger/differentrace/etc person.)

  • What am I hoping this person gets out of my interaction with them?

If you can confidently answer those questions and you feel good about saying something, go for it! I am all for being friendly, making conversation, and sharing experiences on the road.

If you aren’t feeling so sure, the best thing is to not say anything at all. A friendly wave or thumbs up is a safe bet to not offend anyone.

But if you’re like me and really just like to talk to other people,

Here are some suggestions:

  1. Make it about your shared experience. 

    1. Are you climbing a big hill? You could say “This hill sucks, eh?”

    2. Talk about the weather. “Lovely day for a ride!” “This rain is killer!” “Now that’s a headwind.” 

  2. Don’t assume that they’re struggling. Even if I’m climbing incredibly slow (or even walking), I’m likely still having a good time. Hearing “You’re almost there” or “You can do it” is not helpful. I know I can do it - I don’t need to know that you’re doubting my ability to do this.

  3. Be careful with praises, such as “Good job” or “Way to get out there.” These can often be received as micro aggressions. 

  4. Keep it simple. I love a friendly “Hello!”, “Nice Kit”, or “See you at the finish!” 

Whatever you decide to do, I hope these are helpful suggestions. I honestly believe most people have good intentions, but the impact can be received way differently than you intend. 

What else would you add to this list?