EPITHELIAL CELL ABNORMALITY, SQUAMOUS

EPITHELIAL CELL ABNORMALITY, SQUAMOUS.
High grade squamous intraepithelial lesion.

Uhhh, ok doctor. Thanks for releasing my pap smear results to me, but what the hell does that mean? 

More tests. 

Ok. Cool. I can handle more tests. People get abnormal pap smear results all the time. (I'm a little worried at this point, but not too much.)

Schedule the follow-up tests for the next week. Doctor says it should be no big deal, 5 minute procedure, maybe a biopsy, and then I'm back to normal life.

20 minutes later my legs are still spread wide open, she's taken 4 samples from my cervix and 2 from my vaginal canal wall. I don't think this is "normal" anymore.

Test results come back stupidly fast when cancer is involved, as it turns out.

A: Cervix, 12 o'clock, biopsy:
High-grade squamous intraepithelial lesion (CIN 2) involving
transformation zone mucosa.
No invasive carcinoma identified.

B: Cervix, 6 o'clock, biopsy:
High-grade squamous intraepithelial lesion (CIN 2-3) involving
transformation zone mucosa.
No invasive carcinoma identified.

C: Cervix, 9 o'clock, biopsy:
High-grade squamous intraepithelial lesion (CIN 2-3) involving
transformation zone mucosa.
No invasive carcinoma identified.

D: Endocervix, curettage:
Rare fragments of high-grade squamous intraepithelial lesion (CIN 2-3).
Endocervical tissue with reactive changes.

As it was explained to me CIN 2-3 is still considered pre-cancerous by most doctors, although some of the spots could be Stage 0 cancer. The plan at this point is to do a LEEP procedure, where the problematic parts of my cervix are removed using a super-hot electrical wire. Sounds fun, right?

I'm still kind of in a stage of shock. I'm glad they caught it early. But also mad, angry, confused. Everything you read about Cervical Cancer tells you that it's caused by HPV. Never until this year have I ever tested positive for HPV. So not only did I contract it, but I also got one of the strains that causes cervical cancer. Cool.

So, for now, I wait.

Van Gogh is So In Right Now (Recovery from Tympanoplasty Surgery)

The surgery seems to have been a success, although we won't know the full results for nearly 6 weeks. For those who don't know, I had a tympanoplasty performed last Wednesday on my left eardrum. I also apparently have a small ear canal, so they couldn't access the eardrum via the canal and had to make a big incision and go in from the back.

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Recovery has been a mixed bag so far. The pain was at first pretty manageable. For the first few days, I didn't really even notice it and kept it at bay through a mix of prescription pain killers, sleep, and high CBD/low THC weed. I also took Wednesday-Friday off work, and Saturday-Sunday off life (basically) and pretty much just slept and watched Netflix. It was a big deal when I walked around the block.

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Leaves on my walk around the block. Tiny victories.

This week, however, life slapped me in the face with my return to work on Monday. And holy shit does my ear hurt. I tried to tough yesterday out with just Tylenol Extra Strength because I figured prescription pain killers (opioids at that) and high level functioning don't work out so well. Turns out pain isn't conductive to work either.

The other complication from this surgery is the fact that I can't hear out of half of my head. If you've ever gone swimming and gotten water lodged deep into your ear, you know that feeling of having your ear feel really full. Well, that's how my left ear fulls 100% of the time right now. Intentionally. For the next 6 weeks. It's driving me bat shit insane.

 I know that a key component to all of this is keeping a positive attitude and outlook. And I need to keep reminding myself of this. It's been made easier by friends bringing me deliveries of food, chocolate, pickles, home cooked meals, and pints and pints of ice cream. I am swimming in ice cream right now, and it's glorious.  So, thank you friends. I love you all.

Even though I might not be ready to hang out with you, please don't forget about me.

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Cake, cake, cake, cake!!!!

When You Can't Do What You Love

So, it's been a long time since I posted. I think there are reasons, I but I can't really think of them. Camping, backpacking, life, depression- it seems like every time I have an idea of what to write, by the time I get home to actually write, the ideas I had are gone.

Honestly, the biggest reason is work. Since transitioning into my new position at work, all of my brain power is used up at there. Developing strategy, thinking critically, and actually using my head for what it's there for doesn't leave spare time/energy/power to write. Which is a really nice thing. I come home in the afternoon, make dinner. meditate, do yoga, sleep, exercise, masturbate, clean, whatever I want, but usually not brain intensive. I don't have time for The Bikery anymore (sorry), don't have time for a whole lot of dating, and don't have time for much of anything else. 

I have however, up until recently, managed to keep biking part of my routine. Bike camping, biking to work, long rides, etc., part of my life.

That's all going to change on Wednesday. I'm having a tympanoplasty procedure on my left ear. They are removing my ear and rebuilding my eardrum, which will require me drastically alter my lifestyle. I can't ride my bike for up to 8 weeks, can't fly, can't vigorously dance, and can't do anything dangerous for a long time.

I've tried to imagine what my life will look like for the next 8 weeks.

No bikes. At all. 

My friends have very generously stepped up to the plate and signed up to bring me meals during my recovery, which I sincerely appreciate. 

I don't even know how to say thank you. I guess I'll cross that bridge when it comes.